Jokes Database

The list of sly, excellent and inappropriate pickup lines

• (Check female's shirt tag)....Just as I thought, made in heaven!
• Excuse me, you're a thief because you've stolen my heart
• Hey babe, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first
• You remind me of a parking ticket... because you've got FINE written all over ya
• Excuse me... I've lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
• Guy: Could you show me your library card?
  Girl: Why?
  Guy: Because I want to check you out.
• Nice shoes... wanna fuck?
• I love every bone in your body. Especially mine.
• Does this smell like chloroform?

• Do you believe in love at first sight, or do you want me to walk by again?
• Hi, you come here often?
• Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
• If I were a squirrel and you were a tree would you let me bust a nut in your hole
• I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears
• Hi, my friend told me you wanted to have sex with me?
• My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
• You: Do your feet hurt?
  Them: No, why?
  You: Because you have been running through my dreams all night.
• You know I was thinking of redoing the alphabet and putting U and I together
• Girl, your parents must be retarded.. because you sure are special
• You'll Do!

• Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
• Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
• Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
• Do you take it up the ass?
• Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
• Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
• Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
• Fancy a fuck?
• Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
• Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
• Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
• Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
• Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

• Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck... (wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?
• Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?
• Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
• Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
• Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
• Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
• Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
• Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
• Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
• Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
• Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
• Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
• Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
• Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice?
• Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time.

• Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
• Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?
• Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
• I am a magical being, take off your bra.
• I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
• I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
• I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
• I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
• I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
• I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
• I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down.
• I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
• I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
• If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
• Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
• Not enoughEnough

• Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
• My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
• My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream.
• Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
• Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
• Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
• NOW, BITCH!
• Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
• Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
• Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.

• Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
• Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt.
• The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
• The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
• Wanna fuck like bunnies?
• We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
• What can I do to make you sleep with me?
• What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
• Your face or MINE!?